The Cow Jumped Over the Moon

Long Time No Blog

2007-09-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

Well, Gideon happened to comment that I haven't blogged in eons. And by golly, he's right. So here I am, blogging but not really blogging.
What with all the random stuff I have to do (no complaints, though. I somehow enjoy being busy), there's either no time, no motivation or no content to blog (mistake me not. I AM content, just not the blog).

Except for today, dum-dum! (MSN alert sound) Yes well, -insert random philosophising (is that a word) about life/random comment/interesting insight-. I'm kinda out of them, sorry. And with that, the cow disappears behind the moon. (pfft I told those doctors I was losing it and see what happens when they don't believe me)

And so it ends

2007-06-02T13:46:00.000-07:00

Post-OM Depression. Imagine one of those Road Runner cartoons where like Wile E. Coyote drops this huge steel "OM"-shaped block off a cliff, then races down and wonders why it hasn't fallen on Road Runner yet. Then BOOM, we are left with a Coyote-patterned frisbee on screen.

Incidentally, this has nothing to do with Post-OM Depression. POD, as affectionately (or not-so-affectionately) referred to by the OM fraternity, is what happens in the period after OM has ended. It has recently dawned on me that my career as an Odyssey of the Mind participant all but inofficially ended at about 12.45am this morning, when we departed from the airport with medals around our necks for about the last time. Waking up this morning, I am left with a surprising lack of motivation to do anything else. No Other City lies open in front of me, my IOP script untouched. I think this speaks greatly of OM, especially in ACS, that we are so involved that we feel the loss when it's over. And so, the honour roll.

Much love to my teammates over the years, and then there's this year's team. Daniel, Jin, Jeremy, Paul, Johannes and Joshua. It's been terribly fun, and the chemistry that our team enjoyed was magically evident on stage.
Cao, who is officially the most decorated OMer in ACS (Independent) and now can look forward to a career writing inspirational books for aspiring participants.
Jem the manj, who has broken his silver (but not his cavalier) streak.
Hadi and Paul, who got the gold the first time around (or second, depending on how you look at it).
Daniel and Jin, my teammates for all 3 years of OM. The 3 of us, I am proud to proclaim, are the only ones who have collected the entire set of World Finals medals -insert Pokemon 'Gotta catch'em all' theme-.

Many bouts of thanks to my coaches throughout the 3 years for their immense patience and guile. Also the vast number of fraternity members/former teammates, who provided great and much-needed support.

To the other people who have gone to the US with me, for the entertainment and many good times. Cheers, and keep up the good work.

As is tradition in ACS, we thank God for the blessings and grace given onto us. For all these things we do, we do through Him (Philippians 4:13).

And so, where does this leave us now? With memories upon memories to reminisce of, laughs to be shared, suans to be renewed. For me, there's work to get back to, a life (put on hold) to get on with. There's work to be done, duties to be fulfilled. Ultimately, a God to be praised for His blessings, favour, and guidance. To God be this glory, and we believe that The Best Is indeed Yet To Be.

Jetlag

2007-06-02T03:06:00.000-07:00

So we're back from Michigan State University, and I shall attempt not to go on one of those hyper spam crazes that some (or one) of my teammates is bound to go on. "We won! We won!" etc etc. (for more details please refer to www.thisisjeremy.wordpress.com.) It appears that my attempts to readjust my body clock on the 20-hour plane ride(s) back were well and truly futile. Here I am, at 3am, with noone online.

What I will do is thank my teammates for being perpetually great, each a captain in his own right. Have to thank the school, for making us poster boys of the "School supports its students' endeavours" cause (it kinda paid off, didn't it). Thank God for being there during good times and bad, happy times and sad, even Tiger time.

Apart from Common Tests ominously around the corner, a very busy school vacation grins maliciously at my queasy insides. OM pictures will be up when available, with more shots where I blinked at the flash than I can ever recall.

Oh We Are Flying In An Aeroplane

2007-05-21T23:48:00.000-07:00

Looking out the window
Watching the clouds fly by
Flying in an aeroplane
Looking out the window
Up so very high!

OM World Finals beckon. See you in 10 days!

Ah Well

2007-05-01T19:19:00.000-07:00

Writer's block, they call it. It never seemed this difficult to motivate myself to do English homework before. Just look at the poem and i feel a tingle in my gut that says "quick think of something else to do!", and an itch in my legs that says "get me away from this" and then DING! the inevitable bright yellow (at least I think it's yellow, poor colour deficient me) lightbulb appears above my head, with a list of alternative activities, ranging from watching cooking shows on TV to playing Microsoft Hearts to sorting the Hundreds-and-Thousands by colour.

This Sylvia Plath ah;

Always write emo things one,

I'd kill myself too.

Aha! Back at you, Sylvia. Why couldn't you have specialised in suicidal HAIKUS. And now I catch sight of the vaguely annotated Tulips in front of the computer. Oh wait, Mum just bought more Hundreds-and-Thousands...

This Week was...Interesting

2007-04-22T22:25:00.000-07:00

To say the least.

From the rugby finals on Monday to the Pines/American Club on Friday, this week has been one of the most eventful I've had this year. On a side note, why is it interesting when the air con gets blocked? Because e vent full. Okay shoot me, I couldn't resist.

In light of certain recent developments, we need to give a huge shout of thanks to the Old Man Upstairs (and I'm not referring to Mr Jones). What can I say, "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him"- Romans 8:28.

While those around me have been lavishly enjoying themselves this week (Ice Cream Week -hackcough-), I have been a true blue guaikia and actually bothered to catch up on work, even to the point of starting on stuff that I know I won't have time to do later on. Cao has declared me the team nerd, which is ironic considering my general I'd-rather-be-bitten-tenderly-by-an-old-man attitude towards some of my work.

Ah well, chem prac calls ^^

A Crazy Little Thing Called OM

2007-04-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

Well, I've practically driven myself to exhaustion the past couple of weeks. See, this is why I need a car.

Last Saturday was OM nationals. It was saddening not to win, I shan't deny that. Especially on hands-on spontaneous (which I sat out of). But still, I believe that God has blessed us tremendously these past couple of months, and there's no reason why we shouldn't still be thankful for that. "To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue", says Proverbs 16:1. It's all yuan fen, and I'm sure there's a Long-Term purpose for it all.

To my teammates, it was and is an honour to be able to eat, sleep and live OM with you guys. Keep your heads up, yes. (if you're emo eat ice cream, eh yeang)

If the winners ever read this, (this sounds way ego but) you had to be some kind of good to beat us. All the best for whatever you do (:

Have fun and go read everyone else's blogs for the full story hehe.

Campaign sounds like OBS for French kids

2007-04-05T23:45:00.000-07:00

It does, doesn't it.

It's been eons since I last posted. For this I blame the piles of work that await my return from school at 10.30 pm every night. I bet OM shortens your life, and not just because of the paint fume intoxication. Am feeling lazy to talk about OM life for now, so if you want to find out more go look at Jeremy's blog. I'm sure the superhero keeps a regular record.

Anyway, last week was Student Council campaigning. Rather belatedly I have to admit, allow me to come up with some campaign slogans that are never going to work. As far as I know, I came up with these on my own, so if they happen to resemble anything you're familiar with, please don't hold it against me.

1. Vote for me if you like complex numbers!
2. A vote for me is a vote for free newspapers!
3. I want to be CEO

On a more serious note, I'll admit that campaigning was kinda fun, albeit being tiring and pointless at times. I guess it depends how enthusiastic you want to be about the whole thing.

Good Friday coming soon. Do take time out to reflect on why this Friday's good. "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

Okay off to do random things with the guitar.

Suan God of World

2007-03-14T23:32:00.000-07:00

That, ladies and gentlemen, is Jeremy Tan Wei Jie's new title. Yes, he has indeed been promoted from Suan King to the height of immortal deity. This follows OM today, when Major Manjan proceeded to come up with a chain of random Haven moments. Suan el grande, et memorium. One can only imagine if we made a clip called "Haven in 5 minutes with Jeremy", and put it as a bonus feature in the DVD.

Speaking of DVD, I was wrecked that they didn't interview Gid and I together for the "Behind the Scenes" segment. We would then be able to tell the world of our random escapades, like using the fake rifles to play CS in the CPA.

What does Haven mean to you?
Me: Well, last time, when the teacher ask me "Have you done your homework?" then I say "Haven('t) lahh".
Gid: But now, when the teacher ask the same question, i can say "Haven, whatt".

There's a 60% chance of this working... Everytime

2007-03-10T23:52:00.000-08:00

Today was Youth Leaders Summit in school. I was thoroughly amused by the combination of new IB uniforms, scarfs and the memory of one of Mohd Samuel bin Eng's gaffes, as well as the prospect of playing Pokemon on the laptop. The Moot Parliament section was fun, and I had Daniel as my left-hand for a day. Suan ab initio!

After which, most of the OM team (plus Wang) went over to Cheam's house for dinner and to watch Anchorman, to renew our repertoire of quotable quotes for the rest of the year.
Where'd you get your clothes? The TOILET SHOP??

Random Name of the Week 4

2007-03-07T22:52:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's been a long time since the last Random Name instalment. Haven't been meeting up with Gid often enough to conjure up new ones. For this week's RNotW, I'll be looking at the various CCAs and coming up with amusing random names for people in them.

Astronomy: Jupiter Lee
Basketball: Lebron Tan
Chinese Performing Arts: Any Chinese name with 2 syllables e.g. Dong Hua, Yin Yin or Cao Xiang
Drama: Doesn't matter, probably just an alias
Environment Society: Newton-Fitz McPherson Wong Lee Chan
Fishing Club: Debbie

Is it a good sign if you amuse yourself?
Random word of the day: Suan el Grande

Random Post

2007-03-05T23:23:00.000-08:00

'tis true, I am a poet waiting to be discovered. or at least a nursery rhyme writer.. Just call me literary genius Jonathan Low -.-

Must Make

2007-03-05T23:19:00.000-08:00

And yet, all I can hear is my own respiration, waiting for inspiration

You know,

2007-03-05T23:13:00.000-08:00

Like all REAL bloggers. I have to make maximum use of cyberspace by getting the inspiration to blog whenever, wherever, and whether or not I'm in the capacity to do so

Oh Dear

2007-03-05T23:11:00.000-08:00

I realise that I don't qualify as a proper blogger until i randomly make random posts.

Founders' Day

2007-03-02T06:21:00.001-08:00

So yesterday was Founders' Day. The school was graced by a certain opposition MP, and we were anticipating a rant of epic nature. However, it didn't come to pass - leaving some extremely disappointed, it has to be said. Still, the proceedings left me with something to think about. I'm sure it crossed the Guest of Honour's mind that he could have covered any of a large number of issues- ranging from the casino to GST. Yet, he opted instead to deliver a speech about the Good Samaritan, using it as an analogy to public service. He could have covered any topic, but in the end the choice was still a Biblical perspective of being in politics - that the most crucial facet of all politics is to have a heart of service. It amazes me that he, a man who has been in public service for over 40 years, still remains rooted to the principles he began to serve with.
And for that, he earns my respect.

Chinese New Year

2007-02-17T08:53:00.001-08:00

First of all, I realise i haven't updated for the longest time. Not my fault, school's been hectic and busy. But now... it's the CHINESE NEW YEAR HOLIDAYS.

Every Chinese New Year, I watch in utter amusement at the short, balding, bespectacled Feng Shui master reading fortunes on TV (he has issues). Instead of birth signs etc, the Chinese categorize this sort of stuff by the astrological calendar, i.e. which animal you are. For the uneducated, there is a 12-year cycle of animals ranging from mouse to dragon to goose. Being short and having issues of my own, I decided to give fortune telling a try for this year.

Mouse: You will be getting braces for those huge front teeth you've sprouted over the December vacation. Remember to avoid cheesy pick-up lines and cats.
Ox: Avoid items ending with ox, as they will cause you great displeasure. Boxes and foxes are of particular concern. Try not to be too horny, eh
Tiger: You will Crouch.
Rabbit: This is a bittersweet year for you, as the planets are in alignment. Be prepared to be left hopping mad by your loved ones, but rejoice at the exponential copulation of your relatives.
Dragon: You will Hide. (Get it? Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon)
Snake: You leave your wrath upon those around you, leaving many sNaked. (Okay that was bad)
Horse: Be prepared to lose your voice, hoarse-ing around is unavoidable. You will experience a strange attraction to metal shoes. Whinny the pooh is lucky.
Goat: You follow the herd. Stay away from mutton rendang, it will give you acne.
Monkey: As the cherry blossom blooms in the east, so the monkey never stops climbing. Remember that the monkey with the longest tail is not always the most hungry. (I have no idea where that came from ^^ )
Rooster: Beware not to get cocky about the successes you enjoy. Go easy on the chicks, they might be related to you.
Dog: You have a bone to pick with those around you. Stay away from the UK or anywhere that uses the pound, and weigh in KG.
Pig: You disgust me. Go roll in the mud xD

Happy Chinese New Year!

The Meeting

2007-02-05T23:00:00.000-08:00

The CEO stalked angrily into the boardroom for the meeting. Business was not going as well. A solution had to be found for the institution's monetary woes. The company's employees had already been wringed dry of available 'donations'. Brainwave! One of the Board members had an idea. With about 3000 employees, everyone was unique with their own strengths and weaknesses. What all 3000 have in common, though, are FEET. Feet that wear SOCKS. "That settles it!", said one bored board memeber, "we'll make everyone buy the socks from us to make more money."

Okay this makes it obvious that I haven't written creatively for years. So shoot me.

Model Student 101

2007-01-24T22:03:00.000-08:00

After a week of lessons, I have travelled so much in-between classes that I could probably earn frequent flyer miles. You see, I stay in my own class for about one subject. Following careful observation of my peers and myself, I've decided that the general behaviour leaves much to be desired. Therefore, I have made it my responsibility to compile a behaviour guide* for every wannabe Model Student.

Model Student 101
1. Never have your hands in your pockets. Teachers may deem this as disrespectful.
1a. Never spoof a teacher scolding someone for having his hands in his pockets in front of the teacher (I barely got away with it).
2. Never drag your chair, yawn or slouch during maths. It prohibits your absorbtion (is that a word?) of 'Cosmic energy'.
3. Never leave your GDC lying around. Someone might delete your Mario game.
4. Never leave your bag unattended in class. You may return to find a fire extinguisher in it.
5. Never introduce yourself as Bob. You might be asked to build something.
5a. Unless, of course, your name really is Bob.
6. Never make bad jokes about your subject material (Okay I'm guilty of this one. But ceteris peribus sounds like a swearword..)
7. Never mock lit techniques by repeating the same start of a sentence.
8. Keep yourself awake by imagining your teacher in a ballet suit.

* Everything in this guide is completely tongue-in-cheek. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental

p.s. Why does OMer rhyme with jomer?

The Longest Joke In The World

2007-01-13T23:12:00.000-08:00

I'm really sorry if this is bad/you've heard it before but this has to be shared with the world.

JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE xD

Anyway, I woke up this morning with a new zit. The new long, hard...school hours are probably at fault, not helped by the fact that my school's so dusty it hurts. Bio students probably dissect dust bunnies -.- Although I would've preferred hiding at home, I had to brave it in public for church activities. It must be really obvious, cos my 11-year-old group members were all telling me. DIE. GLASS HALF EMPTY. FROG DROWN IN BUTTER. SLASH WRIST -EMO EMO-

Hehe, went bowling with some church friends in the evening at Marina Square, where i proceeded to bump into IAN LIM WEI. After more random stuffs, I had intelligentconversation with Kelvin on the way home, and now I'm stoning around waiting for the Arsenal match to start.

I should replicate my self-occupation (that sounds wrong!) tactics for lectures on thursday/friday and go do sudoku/play mario on my GDC. Bye bye
p.s. what's this? (<><) It's Fish bowling! ^^

How does one waste a week in school?

2007-01-10T22:13:00.000-08:00

Now that Orientation is over, we've been having 'Bridging Courses', for all the different subjects. What it means to the school, is to give us an introduction to what the subject covers over the next two years. It's like a last chance to back out. What it means to us, is time to catch up on sleep and talk rot with friends.

Well, at least that's what it means to most people. Being the nice, sweet and charming individual that I am, I chivalrously lent my jacket to a certain someone for the past few days. This, of course, leaves me without a pillow. Therefore, I resort to talking rot with the poor people sitting next to me. Today during Lang Arts, the rhyme reminded me of this thing I heard from someone (Hadi?) during Haven rehearsal last year.

Simple Simon met a Pie Man on the way to the county fair;

Said Simple Simon to the Pie Man, "What have you got there?"

Said the Pie Man to Simple Simon, "PIES LAH, STUPID!"

It's kinda sad (Costly? xD) when cheap thrills are the only thing keeping you from losing your sanity. At least it's only two more days, and then class allocations come out next week. Poor, poor class.

Orientation

2007-01-08T21:17:00.000-08:00

So I've just started Year5/J1/Grade11 whatever you call it. The past week has been highly amusing, catching up with old friends and making new ones. I will post pictures when my OGL/Chinese B HL-taking-group-mate sends us the photos.

Today began the second week of school, and subject options day! I opted for HL English A1, Maths and History, and SL Chem, Chinese B and Econs. If you're in ACSIB too and just made identical or similiar options, I send my apologies in advance. A certain teacher regularly sends me out of class for excessive telling of bad jokes, so I sympathise with my future classmates.

Anyway I've already decided that we should set aside a desk in Chem class for any girls experiencing monthly pains. We can call it the Periodic Table xD

The Day Before The Day Before The Day After The First Day Of School

2007-01-02T22:45:00.000-08:00

Don't you just hate people with long titles? ...like Capt. (NS) Dr Rev Ang Beng Cheng, Ph.D., MBA, ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.

Anyway, school starts tomorrow. Come on, let's all say it together:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

As I return to another 10 months of torture and hardship, it was nice knowing you.

p.s. Just imagine the noise i'll be making before going into NS

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T23:55:00.000-08:00

I realise I haven't blogged for some time. Been busy and tired and all that. Yesterday night, I was balloon sculpting along Orchard. Not only was it unbelievably cool, it also felt great to bring a blessing to people on Christmas eve. That said, it's great to bring a blessing to people any time of the year. You get this warm feeling inside you when you see peoples' faces bright up when you give them a twisted balloon (..a balloon that's gone nuts? hehe). Meaningful experiences should be shared, but if you'd have wanted to join in I posted about this much earlier.. so HAH TOO BAD!!

I shall be off now, so have a blessed Christmas!

p.s. 10 more days till school reopens Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

The Trip Home Just Now

2006-12-16T00:26:00.000-08:00

No, I didn't fall over my doorstep.

I have just gotten home from watching Magic Of Love at Expo. On the way home, Gideon and I just went MAD. Even before we reached the MRT Station, we'd already started the hysterics, but then, as Gid said, it's all relative (cos we're cousins). As you'll find occurs often enough, we proceeded to come up with bad follow-ups. Like how if we started running together it's relative velocity.

Then came the MRT, and I guarantee we're going to get thrown off the MRT one of these days. While it's moving. A trapdoor will suddenly open and swallow us (YES, swallow Gideon) up. Throughout all the bad puns, wisecracks and incontrollable laughter, we managed to get about half the carriage staring at us. I would like to take this opportunity to sincerely apologise for the disturbance caused. We're actually really guai, except that Gid traded his halo for candy, and I gave mine to this old man in exchange for some magic beans.

We have made an agreement never to start up again in front of girls, especially with the new school year fast approaching (yeah right...don't hold us to that). In the meantime, I'm taking bets on how long it'll take for us to get thrown out at Chinese New Year.

School Canteen

2006-12-09T22:35:00.000-08:00

In the Air-Conditioned School (Dover) that I attend, we have an air-conditioned canteen. Wanting to make eating in the school canteen more attractive (probably some Masterplan from the MOE...again), the stalls all have wacky names. Stalls have names that play on their ware, like The West Wing (Chicken Rice), Oasis (Drinks) and Just For Mee (Noodles).

Anyway, because of the influx of new students, the school is renovating the canteen, sort of. They're adding 3 new stalls to the canteen next year, and it's anyone's guess as to what they're going to be called. Me being myself, I find this too good an opportunity to resist, and will give speculation a go.

Western Stall selling chicken, beef and pork - Happy Meat
Stall selling burnt food - Carcinogen Royale
Stall selling beef noodles - The Cow-enant
Stall selling Italian cuisine - The Da Vinci Ode
Stall selling dough fritters - I Luv U-Tiao

I seriously have no idea how I come up with all this junk, maybe someone needs to examine my spleen one of these days. Hehh that was random. Bye!

I'm Back

2006-12-05T19:52:00.000-08:00

and I'm bored -.-

See you in a few

2006-11-29T22:34:00.000-08:00

(that rhymes!)

Anyway I'm being dragged to Penang tomorrow for a few days. Will be back next Tuesday. Somehow I haven't felt like blogging over the past few days. But I shall shake the dust off and post once more before I'm off tomorrow morning.
On Monday we had OM gathering at Tim's house, sort of a birthday thing for him and Major Manjan (he's been promoted from Captain). While discussing online the previous night, Gid and I decided that our dress code for the gathering shall be Obiang (For the uninitiated, this is a colloquial term used to describe a style of dressing that's loud and over-the-top). Scurrying around to find others to join in with our devious plot, we convinced Daniel and Isaac to pledge themselves. But they both pang seh-ed and deserve to be thrown into the pool at the next gathering!
So, Monday came and Gid and I showed up in this:

Gid's the shameless freak in shirt and boardshorts, while I went for the Hawaiian flower print-reflective sunglasses look. I believe we can now be officially classified as shameless idiots. Cheers!

p.s. the dress code for our next gathering shall be Nerd Fashion!

Random Name of the Week 3

2006-11-24T23:17:00.000-08:00

I know it's been more than a week, but my creative juices need to be...well, juiced. Anyway, I picked up this fun random way to answer phones last time. When someone calls you, pick up and go "Anne's Video Store, Anne speaking". To ensure successful trauma of your counterpart, try to select something that would make him/her embarrassed. For example, try pretending that you're a member of a chatline service. "Heyyy, this is Jenny from Fone Friends..." Enjoy.

My Mother's Students

2006-11-19T23:39:00.000-08:00

On Friday, I saw a bunch of my mother's ex-students. They invited her to their class reunion, and I happened to be around the area after dinner. The girls (some of them rather good-looking) have all started work by now, while the guys are finishing their uni.

It got me thinking, what would our class reunion be like in say, 10 years? You see, my mother used to be a GEP teacher in Dunman High (this bunch of people), and before that ACS(I) (I know a couple of her students there through church and stuff) and RI. Looking at how once they got together they couldn't stop talking rot, I'm excited about what I'll experience next time. Class reunions will probably be reminiscent of the class scapegoats, etc etc. It would also be amusing to see who turns out as what. Who's balding, who's earning millions and who turns up in chains. Somehow, half the allure is gone cos we're (almost) all still going to be in the same school for the next two years. But still, it's gonna be fun (:

Christmas @ Orchard

2006-11-18T23:45:00.000-08:00

In conjunction with the STB's Celebrate Christmas in Singapore campaign, the youth network of my church is organising an event on 24th December to bring the Christmas spirit to Orchard. So if you want to know about the true meaning of Christmas, bug me! Click to http://christmas-at-orchard.blogspot.com/ if you want to find out more

Mr

2006-11-16T22:52:00.000-08:00

Get it? My title is Mr Low etc etc... Anyway, the hols have given me time to explore blogger.com, so i now know how to block comment spam. I have also enabled comments from Anyone, but I'm lazy so I'll probably ignore anonymous comments. So write your name!

Without A Trace starts soon, I watch so many of these crime-murder-missing people shows that I forget which is which.

Designated Smoking Corners

2006-11-14T23:01:00.000-08:00

When I went for lunch at a coffee shop today, I noticed a sign made out of corrugated plastic tied to a pole. It said "This Is A Designated Smoking Corner". Being about the first time I recall noticing such a smoking corner (yeah, I haven't had the chance to eat at coffee shops much lately), I nobly resisted the impulse to join in the smoking (colloquial slang for talking rot).

Looking at the sign, I was reminded of the episode of Becker that I watched last night on Star, which I will attempt to vaguely recall. Becker walked into the diner and lit a cigarette. When she saw it, Chris said, "WILL YOU PUT THAT OUT! Why don't you smoke on the way here?"
"I dont like to smoke while I walk, the smoke blows back into my face," Becker replies, "and, well, second-hand smoke is bad for you!"

Okay okay stop grinning for a while. I don't understand smokers all that much. I mean, they all say they're not addicted, what. They only smoke because they want to, not because they NEED to. Just that sometimes they really, REALLY want to. Back to the point. With the government-imposed taxes and all, smoking has become an extremely expensive habit. Cigarettes are like women. They give you a good time, but in exchange they take all your money, and in the end they kill you. (This is why people resort to illegal cigarettes. At least girls in Batam don't have access to your bank account. xD )

Whoosh time's up Criminal Minds is starting

I HATE YOU!

2006-11-10T00:22:00.000-08:00

While blog surfing recently, it came to my attention that the process of posting known affectionately as emo ranting is dying out. (Incidentally, if you take it literally enough, emo is just short for emotional. I'm highly amused by how the term emo is more commonly used to describe negative emotions like anger and sadness, isn't elation an emotion too?) Being my bored, easily-amused (but not elitist and uncaring! xD) self, I have made it my latest project to re-educate whoever reads this on the art of the emo rant blogpost.

The most important part of emo-ing, as it is so often termed, is finding the right balance of emotions. Anger, sadness, embarrassment and mental regression are just some of the many plausible options you may choose from.

Upon choosing the combination of emotions you desire to convey, make sure you find a good subject to emo on. A person or persons would work really well, such as parents, friends, teachers, siblings, relatives, boyfriends, girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, random people you meet, random people you didn't meet, the UN, Chelsea etc etc. As you can tell, there is a wide array of options for the potential ranter.

Now that you have your emotions in check and your subject with which to vent them on, it's time to let it loose! However, there are some methods of emo ranting that will set you apart from the rest. These will let all your readers see that you've BOUGHT it, and are not just ranting, if you know what I mean.

Firstly, make sure you have a great title to catch the attention of your reader. You know, to make sure that they're aware of all your emotion. Apart from the traditional favourites like "I HATE YOU" (see mine!) and "YOU RUIN MY LIFE", a modern wave of emo titles is catching on, as ranters become more diverse in their subjects. Examples would include "YOUR FEET STINK" or "Golf IS a sport!", not forgetting the latest in wordy titles like "I Always Knew You Would Go For Someone With Better Looks, Smarts And Personality Than Me".

Next, make sure your post is written in a 2nd person point of view. This is in case the subject of your post happens to read it, so he/she/it will know you are talking TO them. However, make sure you DON'T mention the name of your subject. That way, it leaves all your readers guessing who you're referring to. As they say, ambiguity is the key! (I learnt this from Daniel... geddit? 'As they say'? Nevermind) A good tip would be to start every sentence on a new line, making sure you begin each one with You. A viable alternative to this would be to throw in an italicised sentence written in the 2nd person at random intervals.

This adds so much more drama to your post!

Also, make sure you use as little punctuation as possible this makes it look like you typed it all at one go in a rush of emotion from your recent experience

If you can, try to include some poetry. Better yet, type the whole post as a poem.

If you're not that good;

A poet,

But desperately want to;

Include some poetry in;

Your post,

Then simply;

Italicise;

Everything, and add breaks;

Between.

Looks great,

No?

With that, I have come to the end of my masterclass on emo ranting. I hope you have found it useful, and will apply a thick layer externally the next time you need to release some negative emotion.

p.s. For extra kicks, try reading through the post again, but everytime the words 'emo', 'emotion' or 'emotions' appear, read them as 'waggle' or 'waggles' instead!

Holidays

2006-11-04T22:25:00.000-08:00

After about a week-long hiatus, I have finally found the time and energy to motivate myself to post. Okay I had tons of time and energy, so it's just motivation. Cos really, when you're alone at home with about all the time in the world, there's nothing to blog about.

Holidays are fantastic. Not much can compare to 9 weeks of pure nothingness. Sleep. TV. Computer. Sleep. TV. Computer. Sl- you get the idea. But you start to realise you're too free when you go to the library one morning and you only have one book left to read the next evening. Knowing there are many like me out there, I have nobly decided to come up with some suggestions for activities to pass time with.

First, you need to find an old watch.

Suggestion 1: Gather a couple of friends. Stand around in a circle, or any other arrangement you'd prefer. Starting with yourself, toss the watch to the guy next to you. Keep it going, and be amazed at your passing time. (Tip: Vary this activity by introducing clocks and/or sundials)

Suggestion 2: Try to find one as small as possible. After washing it, swallow your time-piece. Wait for a couple of days, and make sure you're alert when you go to the toilet, so you'll know when you're passing time. (Tip: Use laxatives to quicken the process!)

Clearly the holidays have an adverse effect on my ability to ramble with wit. I think posts on lyric-spamming and emo ranting would be thoroughly amusing, but I'll have to be patient cos I'm usually too lazy.

Oops it's time for TV again. See you!

Random Name of the Week 2

2006-10-30T07:11:00.000-08:00

It's time for the next installment of Random Names. I wanted to try Filbert Carlton Ong last week, but a certain cousin of mine chickened out. Looks like it'll have to be put into storage for a situation that it will be useful for. This week, I figured I'd delve into the dangerous world of female names. There's not as much variety, I realise. Being a guy, not alot of female names sound random. Therefore, I'm going to try and spawn the most bimbotic name I can. I've tried my best, and have no regrets, so here it is:
Melody Brittany Lee Min Xian!

p.s. Remember, anything in this section is severely tongue-in-cheek, so please don't take offence if part of your name appears here. If your name really is Melody Brittany Lee Min Xian.. please drop me a message, cos I know alot of guys who'd like to meet you, myself included xD
p.p.s. Please feel free to comment with random names that have worked well for you!

Are You a Geek?

2006-10-29T22:01:00.000-08:00

This has been a draft since Friday, but I've been too lazy to finish it out.

On Friday when I was browsing through Borders while around Wheelock (refer to previous post), I came across this book titled "Are You a Geek? 10^3 Ways to Find Out". It provides you with a checklist to determine your geek factor, along with a scoring system. Apparently the higher your score, the closer you are to a geek prick. It's a real laugh, and it has to be. Cos if you're really a geek you won't be at the humour section of Borders, especially if Science Fiction's just around the corner..

Well, some of the more exciting examples are as follows:
You...live with your mother (1 point)
...are over thirty and live with your mother(2 points)
...are over thirty and live in your mother's basement (5 points) You...have never been invited to a party (1 point)
...have been the only person at a party (2 points)
...arrived at a party, and people said they were going out to run errands and never returned (5 points)
You...haven't changed your glasses in 5 years (1 point)
...have glasses with cartoon characters on the frames (2 points)
...just picked out your new pair of glasses in a colour that matches your bow tie (5 points)
You...enjoy wearing an all-white ensemble (2 points)
...attend the Bishan Parliamentary Preperatory Academy, of Bishan (10 points)

Okay fine so I made half of them up. Go look for it in Borders, unless a bunch of geeks couldn't find their way to Science Fiction. Catch you around.

The Walking Accident

2006-10-27T11:01:00.000-07:00

I have a friend, let's call him Kered. Those who know him prefer to refer to him as Splutz. Why? Because he's about the most spaz/klutzy person we know. After going to watch The Prestige with him and Daniel today, I am willling to personally guarantee that he has an aura of splutzness that causes accidents, collisions and various other form of mishap wherever he goes.
First, K tripped over the base of the escalator and is at permanent risk of going over the edge..literally. Apart from that, he bumps into one in three people walking in the opposite direction. Then in the cinema itself, he made the poor girl sitting in front of him drop her hotdog and nachos, that triggered more sniggering from Daniel and I. Trust me, K's a nice guy. So this isn't a rant..until NOW. Because while we were eating ice cream, he conjured a dead leaf from the sky that fell nicely into mine. Apt that we'd just watched The Prestige. Somehow it would have been all the more amusing if it was him.
Ah well. Here's to you, Kered, a beacon of bruises for all those psychomotor dis-inclined folks out there!
Bytheway, The Prestige is a really worth-watching show, but more on the Batman-Wolverine rivalry next time

To the Year 4 GEP Batch of 2006

2006-10-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

Well, today's the last ever day of secondary school for all of us (so long as Bert and Lejon DO get promoted). Over the past 4 years, I have grown up along with you guys, amidst much commotion. The fact that we now practically have 5 months of free time to kill aside, a sincere thank you is deserved for putting up with all the nonsense I have been capable of conjuring up. This seems like a real pathetic goodbye cos we'll still be seeing each other next year (unfortunately in some cases). Ah well, boh bian...

To the class of 4.10, you'll agree we've had fun for the past couple of years. And against all odds, by taking turns to laugh at various random people, we probably have bonded better than I'd have ever expected. Oh, and thanks for being obedient sheep for a certain Class Chairman. Today marks the demise of the smallest class in school, as well as about the most kheng. Cheers, slackers.

To those in 4.9, half of you have been my classmates before and experienced my terror. And those who haven't, would have heard about it. Thanks (mostly) for sec 1 and 2, and for the boundless entertainment. I take every groan from you guys as a personal success. Have fun in your future endeavours/mugging/SERVICING.

To my teachers (yeah I know you blogsurf too!), thank you for putting up with my rubbish all these years. Despite being repetitively thrown out of class by a certain transparent and accountable history teacher for being extensively lame, it has not affected my ability to think critically and make bad jokes. In the end, it's what you learn that matters in school, and I walk away confident that I'm boosted in that department. So..Rest In Peace, General Education Officers!

Today also happens to be my last day in the GEP. Apart from accounting for 75% of my social circle, the GEP has truly worked wonders. Too bad certain men upstairs (the guy on the 8th floor who keeps singing karaoke) don't see that, and the GEP will soon be canned, like some kind of processed meat.

A special shut up must go to my OMing buddies, without whom I wouldn't be such an idiot. To you I say: caterpillars, polka-dots, earwax.

Okay, that was random. God Bless and all the best, guys. Make sure you still remember me 20 years from now

1. Lists

2006-10-21T22:34:00.000-07:00

Lists are every blogger's best friend. They let the whole world know how busy you are, how many people you love, and what you have in your bag! Unfortunately, the great art that we call listing is dying out. As such, I have made it my personal duty to leave some useful tips for all those listers out there. Read this, and learn how to go from a Z-lister to an A-lister!
1. Find an exciting topic to make a list about! Something along the lines of what you had for dinner, or things you hate about yourself (if you're contemplating this, be a patient angel and wait for future remarks on emo blogposts)
2. Write as many random words you can about the topic, so that your reader will understand every single aspect and detail.
3. Tinky-winky
4. Dipsy
5. Laa-laa
6. Po
7. Make your list as long as possible, so you can go show off to all your friends! (See how random words come in handy?)
7a. Every REAL, SERIOUS lister uses sub-points. This lets the whole world see how meticulous you are!
7a(i). I feel so meticulous!
8. Remember to include EVERY juicy little detail. This way, everyone knows how much/many ________ you have/need/want/fart.
9. Begin a competition with all your friends to see who can make the longest list!
10. See
11. My
12. List
13. Is
14. Longer
15. Than
16. Yours
17. !!!!!
18. Above all, enjoy yourself. And take everything I say with a pinch of salt. Or pepper. Or earwax.

Borat Online!

2006-10-19T17:50:00.000-07:00

You have to watch this... it's hilarious. I tell you it's gonna be banned in Singapore

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fq_fzdEk0r8

Results!

2006-10-19T02:41:00.000-07:00

Well, results are out today... And I can't really complain all that much. Now that the worrying is gone, I can fully concentrate on more meaningful activities that occur in class, namely playing cards and watching OneTreeHill on Jin's laptop. -hackcoughmyaverageisanA1-

Random Name of the Week

2006-10-16T08:12:00.000-07:00

I'm going to try and make this a regular thing. As often as I can, I gather with a couple of friends in the canteen for this purpose. I think I should encourage more people to engage in such form of activity. It not only stimulates your verbal-linguistic intelligence, but brightens your day considerably. Ready? Here goes...
Step 1: Gather with a couple of friends in a crowded area, like a canteen (keep it in school if you want to be safe)
Step 2: Come up with a random name, along the lines of (first name) (middle name) (surname) (chinese name)
Step 3: Look for an innocent-looking person minding his/her own business.
Step 4: Dare your friend to walk up to the person and ask if his/her name is ___________.
Step 5: Observe your target's reaction
Step 6: See whether you or your friend cracks up first

Trust me, this works wonders on a crappy day. Therefore, innocent reader, I leave you with this week's random name. The first ever Random Name of the Week is... (drumroll)... Filbert Carlton Ong Wei Mun! Enjoy.

And so it begins

2006-10-16T07:41:00.000-07:00

Well, seeing as the exams are over, I can finally put my intentions into action and invent this figment of my imagination. This blog was started to give myself an outlet for all the nonsense floating about in my head, or it may just explode.
DISCLAIMER: Anything mentioned in this blog is seriously tongue-in-cheek. I maintain no responsibility for any injury or death caused by laughter, groaning, or the need to wring my neck. If anything offends you, I'm sorry. If you laugh till your insides ache, imagine what I'd look like when I'm posting.