Chinese New Year
First of all, I realise i haven't updated for the longest time. Not my fault, school's been hectic and busy. But now... it's the CHINESE NEW YEAR HOLIDAYS.
Every Chinese New Year, I watch in utter amusement at the short, balding, bespectacled Feng Shui master reading fortunes on TV (he has issues). Instead of birth signs etc, the Chinese categorize this sort of stuff by the astrological calendar, i.e. which animal you are. For the uneducated, there is a 12-year cycle of animals ranging from mouse to dragon to goose. Being short and having issues of my own, I decided to give fortune telling a try for this year.
Mouse: You will be getting braces for those huge front teeth you've sprouted over the December vacation. Remember to avoid cheesy pick-up lines and cats.
Ox: Avoid items ending with ox, as they will cause you great displeasure. Boxes and foxes are of particular concern. Try not to be too horny, eh
Tiger: You will Crouch.
Rabbit: This is a bittersweet year for you, as the planets are in alignment. Be prepared to be left hopping mad by your loved ones, but rejoice at the exponential copulation of your relatives.
Dragon: You will Hide. (Get it? Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon)
Snake: You leave your wrath upon those around you, leaving many sNaked. (Okay that was bad)
Horse: Be prepared to lose your voice, hoarse-ing around is unavoidable. You will experience a strange attraction to metal shoes. Whinny the pooh is lucky.
Goat: You follow the herd. Stay away from mutton rendang, it will give you acne.
Monkey: As the cherry blossom blooms in the east, so the monkey never stops climbing. Remember that the monkey with the longest tail is not always the most hungry. (I have no idea where that came from ^^ )
Rooster: Beware not to get cocky about the successes you enjoy. Go easy on the chicks, they might be related to you.
Dog: You have a bone to pick with those around you. Stay away from the UK or anywhere that uses the pound, and weigh in KG.
Pig: You disgust me. Go roll in the mud xD
Happy Chinese New Year!
Every Chinese New Year, I watch in utter amusement at the short, balding, bespectacled Feng Shui master reading fortunes on TV (he has issues). Instead of birth signs etc, the Chinese categorize this sort of stuff by the astrological calendar, i.e. which animal you are. For the uneducated, there is a 12-year cycle of animals ranging from mouse to dragon to goose. Being short and having issues of my own, I decided to give fortune telling a try for this year.
Mouse: You will be getting braces for those huge front teeth you've sprouted over the December vacation. Remember to avoid cheesy pick-up lines and cats.
Ox: Avoid items ending with ox, as they will cause you great displeasure. Boxes and foxes are of particular concern. Try not to be too horny, eh
Tiger: You will Crouch.
Rabbit: This is a bittersweet year for you, as the planets are in alignment. Be prepared to be left hopping mad by your loved ones, but rejoice at the exponential copulation of your relatives.
Dragon: You will Hide. (Get it? Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon)
Snake: You leave your wrath upon those around you, leaving many sNaked. (Okay that was bad)
Horse: Be prepared to lose your voice, hoarse-ing around is unavoidable. You will experience a strange attraction to metal shoes. Whinny the pooh is lucky.
Goat: You follow the herd. Stay away from mutton rendang, it will give you acne.
Monkey: As the cherry blossom blooms in the east, so the monkey never stops climbing. Remember that the monkey with the longest tail is not always the most hungry. (I have no idea where that came from ^^ )
Rooster: Beware not to get cocky about the successes you enjoy. Go easy on the chicks, they might be related to you.
Dog: You have a bone to pick with those around you. Stay away from the UK or anywhere that uses the pound, and weigh in KG.
Pig: You disgust me. Go roll in the mud xD
Happy Chinese New Year!
posted by yours truly at 8:53 AM
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